It's not eighties hair band long either, it is exactly the perfect lenth that long hair should be on a boy.
He has a beard. Before I go too hard into his appearance, he has a dog living in his car. This dog is the most wonderfully well behaviouved dog as I have ever seen. She's got such a personitly.
And he has the most wonderful personality, this sounds vain, but he is exactly like me, and I was only with him for about an hour.

I was driving home through the country, bye myself now, and I felt like I got slapped in the forehead. I said out loud -"I am in love"-. And then I realized it was true, and it is with Jared.

I am scared. I want to delete this all, and not claim its true.
And then I realized that I am in love with someone else, I am in love with Donny. These two guys are as different from each other as night and day, and fire is water.
I literally felt like I was being smacked in the forehead. To be fucking corny about it, and since its so close to valentines day, I was shot smack in the center of my brain with cupids arrow.
I feel like I've just had an orgasm of knowing, an orgasm in my mind only.
He hasn't a job and he lives with his parents and I've been shot with the arrow. He does have a car. I wish love could've asked me first, I would've told her the boy had to have a job and an apartment, but the car is a point in his favor.
I am independent. I need my space, I need time to myself. It sounds so greedy because I'm scared, but it's true. I don't know if I can split my life with another human being. Ian told me, "To really be serious about someone the first step is moving in together".
I wonder, does love feel like this to everyone? I've never felt like this before. thats all humans can do, assume everyone is like them. That was a scraping attempt to quote George Steinbeck, from the book The Winter of Our Discontent.
I've also realized I can truly say I love myself. It has taken a long time to come to this milestone. It has taken twenty two years, three hundred and fifty nine days, and some minutes and some seconds.
I talked to my nanny today, she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said "no". She said "whose that boy that drives the red truck?" I said, "that is brian".
"that brian is cute!"
"Yes, he is very cute, he could be a model even, but he is an idiot"
a bit of shock crossed her face then.
She told me, "Looks can be deceiving".
I am in love with both a long haird bearded sweater wearing hippie and a two hundred and sixty pound weighlifter sports fanatic.
If love were tangible, it would be a globe with uneven spikes coming from the surface. Sharp in a dull sort of way, one very sharp one per every sixteen dull ones. The Center of the spear would be just like a bunny, minus the organs and appendages and spirit and all that.
I've now been sitting here for fifty seven minutes, neglecting burning cigarettes, writing and thinking.