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tell me lies, telll me sweet little lies
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I just fully realized why I got bored with the eighteen year old boy, he was too easy to get, and that made all the excitement go away.
I'm walking in the darkness towards a small backyard fire:
me: matt?
dani: no, it's me.
me: where is everybody?
dani: they left to get some beers
me: so you are here by yourself? wheres matt?
dani: he went to the neighbors house
me: goddamn it, wheres justin, I don't even want to be here, I cant stand matt.
dani: yeah, I hate all men right now
me: I love men
dani: I hate men like blank, blank and blank.
me: ah, but those are men of the past, you must think of the men of the future.
dani: b, I cant meet anybody
me: come on...you can meet people
dani: I'm always stuck in this town, I cant meet new people
And then I realized how right she was. She's got no job, she's living off the state, she's got no car and she's got two small kids. And she's annoying as hell to boot. She's got no reason to get her out of the house other than to buy food or general necessary daily items.
She's stuck in this town. She will live her life in this town and she will die in this town or another small town just like it.
I don't feel free here, I feel trapped and suffocated, landlocked, entering a phase in the seasons where I feel most trapped, winter.
how I loathe winter, i absolutely despise it. In winter I feel like I'm in a bubble, a bubble regulating my oxygen supply. The bubble is very restrictive, unlike a soap bubble which can be penetrated through while fully staying intact.
I said penetrated.
I'm eating an american cheese and honey wheat bread sandwhich.
!<-- - -->?
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lucky
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October 07, 2004 - 11:06 pm
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