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free thinking
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Well, for the first time in my life I've done it, I've left my house withought locking the door. I don't know what camer over me, seriously.
Ian just took me for a ride in the cougar and it was so exhilirating. We went the fastest I've ever gone in my life tonight.
The speedometer buries itsseflt at one hundred twenty miles per hour so we don't know the exact speed, but I swear to god it feels like one hundred fifty.
The big car floats down the road like were in some kind of spaceship, or maybe like a hovercraft.
I always wear my seatbelt whenever I go with him but tonight for some reason I didn't...I always get freaked out by his driving.
I've scared of regret right now, my mind is trying to change my opinion and I really fighting to not let it. I keep saying to myself: If I don't do this, I will regret it, so I keep doing doing doing, like osme other force has taken over my body. I just hate regret, I cannot let the idea of free will knock on my destiny.
But I guess really, thats just living, living in a different perspective that I'm used to. And it can be as plainly simple as that. There is an added conficence that is in me now that wasnt in me before...before what, I don't know. Something made sometihng trigger in my brain.
I am becoming obsessed, obseesed with the idea of writing in this diary withought thinking, because I think too much, I always want to make everything perfect. I am trying as hard as I can to not be like my mother, and that means not always being around my mother. All I want to do is hide from my family right now, hide from them all. I know everyboyd is judging me right now, and I know all the aunts talk about me, because I didn't even go to see my grandma after she got out of the hospital. It was nothing serisusly serious, they have her on so many pills it made her blood become too thin. They thought she had a heart attack but she didnt. this is way too long.
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lucky
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10.11.2004 - 00:38
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